Battling addictions I didn’t realize I had

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you looked around and thought “What the hell am I doing?” I feel like I asked myself that question for years. I started out as a pre-teen feeling very insecure and just uncomfortable in my skin. I was 13 years old when I started using things outside of myself to help me feel “ok”. I wasn’t “depressed”. Just always feeling that there was something “over there”.

I met my oldest son’s dad when I was in 8th grade. He was a known pot head and was currently in alternative school for fighting. Sign me up! I always had a desire to try drugs and alcohol but was never around anyone that did either one. I was introduced to J**** through my cousin whom was dating my best friend at the time. At first I was not allowed to talk to him but after continually asking if he could come over for a double date movie night, mom eventually just gave in.

Not long after that night he began sneaking over after everyone was in the bed and it didn’t take long for us to start having sex. I instantly became addicted and it became an almost every night thing. Obviously, we were going to be together forever because sex equals love. Right?

Not long after the sex came the pills. I knew he had done drugs and he knew I had not but that I wanted to try. I stole some Xanax from my aunt and the next time he came over we did it together. “MHHMMM. This is the feeling I have been searching for.” I had arrived. I could relax. My shoulders instantly unclenched from beside my ears, I could take a nice, long, deep breath. And nothing mattered.

So, this was the beginning of my journey. Pill popping, sex addicted 13 year old little girl. I had no idea the choices I was making that early in my life would still have an impact on me today at 32.

I found out I was pregnant a month after my 16th birthday. By this time me and J**** were not allowed to see each other. My parents eventually had found out about the sneaking over and the drugs. (I am leaving out several details that I will get back to later) That was enough to make me stop everything. No more pills, no more pot, no more cigarettes. And I just knew that was going to be enough for J**** to grow up and save some money and support his family. Wrong. He continued to party. So that was enough for me to leave him. One of us had to get our shit together and considering I was the one carrying the child then it was up to me. So I did……for a while.

Published by Amanda Bunch

My name is Amanda Bunch. I am 32 years old and am a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. I have been married for 3 years to the love of my life. We have definitely had some intense highs and lows and I'd like to share them all. I have 3 children and am a part- time parent and would love to share everything on that. My battle with drugs and alcohol has had a lot of consequences but it is possible to accept life as it is sober and take responsibility for my actions. I have so much experience, strength and hope I'd love to share with everyone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


A Blog About a Transplanted Cajun in Missouri

Our Better Health

Diet, Health, Fitness, Lifestyle & Wellness

EFRONA MOR - 52 Secrets Prioritizing Life & Love

How To Prioritize Yourself—a smart path to life and love.

Living Life Recovery

a safe place to investigate God's promises for my life

It's all about Inspiration

Inspiration is our vision as it is the key to success. We assist in Life Improvement, Motivation, Personal Development, SEO, Marketing Tips and Blogging

The Happiness Nerd

Discussing Paths Towards Happiness


If I have to have a mad mind then I ought to be able to share the burden with others

Love, Jessica

Lifestyle Blog: Family. Travel. Food. Fitness. & Everything in Between

Fit Recovery

Stay Clean Get Fit

KB Agility

Building your success piece by piece!

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.


Telling it like it is


A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

The Atavist Magazine

Telling it like it is

Create your website with
Get started
%d bloggers like this: