I know how cliche it is to write about being thankful on this day. But I have not posted anything so far about how great my life is today compared to how it used to be. I’ve shared a little bit about the beginning of my journey but have not even got to the tip of the ice burg yet. I really went down through there and will go in to detail later. I did things that made me lose custody of all of my kids and absolutely continues to have an impact on my day to day mental well-being.
Despite the fact that I have lost precious things in my life I have also gained in other areas. I no longer wake up every morning pissed off that I am still alive. Today I wake up with a purpose and responsibility. I live in a house today versus a camper filled with so much garbage I can hear the rats crawling around at night. I have hot water. I have toilet paper! I have clean clothes and my pantry is never bare. I have a vehicle and a valid driver’s license! I have held a job for over a year; whereas before I couldn’t even get hired anywhere because I was truly unemployable.
More than any of these material things I have a renewed mind. Today I know that I can go through heartbreaks and rough patches and I do not have to run to a substances to stay alive. I never thought that would be possible. I had a reason to pop pills or to drink for everything. I had to use these uppers because it gave me motivation to study for school. I had to take these downers because I was having anxiety about all the responsibilities that were piling up due to me procrastinating. I had to drink just one more drink to get me to the point of not caring about anything for just a little bit. I had to smoke this bowl to laugh and be happy. I know so much different today.
I have walked through an adoption trial with my youngest and lost the fight without popping a pill. I have learned how to become a dependable wife without sneaking and chugging a beer in the backroom. I have formed a relationship with God and am continually making steps on growing closer to Him. I used to get so angry wondering why I was dealt the cards of having to battle addiction and then sobering up just to fall back down again. Today I know I had to go through all of that so I could get the experience to help the sick and suffering and to offer a helping hand.